Life in DIO's Mansion
Answer to this question: what do you think its like living in DIO's mansion, Jim?
Honestly? Unless you’re besties with my man Kenny G it probably sucks.
The so-called “DIO’s Mansion” is really just an old abandoned Cairo mansion that DIO illegally took residence in, possibly not even intending to stay there permanently. This, first and foremost, means that the mansion has no electricity, heating or running water. It’s probably drafty too.
Of course to DIO that doesn’t matter as much, since he grew up in times when many of these things weren’t common + it’s not like he needs a lot of light, a few candles are just fine for him.
The so-called “DIO’s Mansion” is really just an old abandoned Cairo mansion that DIO illegally took residence in, possibly not even intending to stay there permanently. This, first and foremost, means that the mansion has no electricity, heating or running water. It’s probably drafty too.
Of course to DIO that doesn’t matter as much, since he grew up in times when many of these things weren’t common + it’s not like he needs a lot of light, a few candles are just fine for him.
To DIO, that mansion is probably completely adequate.
To a normal working human though… not so much.
I’m sure we all love to imagine mansion shenanigans with all the minions living together and interacting, but more than likely that wasn’t the case. It was probably only DIO’s closest servants that stayed at the mansion - meaning Enya, Vanilla Ice and Terence for sure, but we also know that Kenny G and Nukesaku were part of the ‘mansion team’, because we know that they were in the same minion group as Vanilla Ice and Terence (they and Kenny G bullied Nukesaku together and clearly look down on him - bonding!)
To a normal working human though… not so much.
I’m sure we all love to imagine mansion shenanigans with all the minions living together and interacting, but more than likely that wasn’t the case. It was probably only DIO’s closest servants that stayed at the mansion - meaning Enya, Vanilla Ice and Terence for sure, but we also know that Kenny G and Nukesaku were part of the ‘mansion team’, because we know that they were in the same minion group as Vanilla Ice and Terence (they and Kenny G bullied Nukesaku together and clearly look down on him - bonding!)
Speaking of Kenny G again, and the reason why I love this character and think he deserves more credit;
Everything a normal human would need in an abandoned building, Kenny G could make it happen.
His illusions are 100% realistic. He can turn a wine cellar into a tiny desert island with real ocean water and a gaming console in the middle, and that console will have electricity, despite no other place in the house having it.
You need a kitchen? Kenny’s got you.
You need a bath? Kenny’s got you.
You want a fucking amusement park? Kenny’s probably got you!!
His ability can make spaces bigger than they are, and he can adjust pretty much anything about them.
He put the sea wind into a freaking musty old wine cellar;
Everything a normal human would need in an abandoned building, Kenny G could make it happen.
His illusions are 100% realistic. He can turn a wine cellar into a tiny desert island with real ocean water and a gaming console in the middle, and that console will have electricity, despite no other place in the house having it.
You need a kitchen? Kenny’s got you.
You need a bath? Kenny’s got you.
You want a fucking amusement park? Kenny’s probably got you!!
His ability can make spaces bigger than they are, and he can adjust pretty much anything about them.
He put the sea wind into a freaking musty old wine cellar;
So yeah if you are good with Kenny G, your life in the mansion is probably pretty chill since most of your needs could probably be covered.
That said, I’d assume that the human occupants probably have to go eat outside to various Cairo restaurants. The mansion DOES have a kitchen, but again, old abandoned kitchen, you’d need Kenny’s help to get everything running, etc.
So basically… DIO’s mansion is this absolutely massive ancient building that’s dark, cold and doesn’t provide the basic needs of a modern human. To reiterate - that place is MASSIVE. It’s a three-story building with about 40 rooms, and it probably houses about 6 people.
That said, I’d assume that the human occupants probably have to go eat outside to various Cairo restaurants. The mansion DOES have a kitchen, but again, old abandoned kitchen, you’d need Kenny’s help to get everything running, etc.
So basically… DIO’s mansion is this absolutely massive ancient building that’s dark, cold and doesn’t provide the basic needs of a modern human. To reiterate - that place is MASSIVE. It’s a three-story building with about 40 rooms, and it probably houses about 6 people.
If we DO consider the idea that the Glory Gods all also lived at the mansion, then they would probably want to spend most of their time outside. We’ve seen all the Glory Gods and we know what kind of people they are; NOT the kind that would enjoy living in a place like this day in day out. Most of them are sociable and upbeat people who come across fairly extroverted, and the mansion is definitely not a nice place for a kid like Boingo. Also, people die in that building, in groups, daily. I don’t think most people, even evil ones, would like living there.
As for the Tarot assassins, I talked about the difference between them and God stand users in my post about DIO’s minions, and basically, the Tarot users were simply hired henchmen and probably weren’t even remotely worthy of living under the same roof as DIO.
When Hol Horse visits DIO, we can notice that he’s not very familiar with the building; he thinks he’s entering DIO’s room, but ends up in the library instead. He also comments on how dark the mansion is, and expresses his distaste for it.
As for the Tarot assassins, I talked about the difference between them and God stand users in my post about DIO’s minions, and basically, the Tarot users were simply hired henchmen and probably weren’t even remotely worthy of living under the same roof as DIO.
When Hol Horse visits DIO, we can notice that he’s not very familiar with the building; he thinks he’s entering DIO’s room, but ends up in the library instead. He also comments on how dark the mansion is, and expresses his distaste for it.
So, to recap, here’s what I think it’s like living in DIO’s mansion;
If there’s any lesson to take away from this post, it’s that you should befriend this man:
- I think most of the Glory Gods don’t live there, and are instead paid enough to comfortably live elsewhere in Cairo. We know for a fact that Daniel D’Arby is loaded, since he’s bribing everyone in and around the café he spends his time in.
- Tarot stand users definitely didn’t live there.
- I think Terence D’Arby, Vanilla Ice and Kenny G are close colleagues, based on the location Kenny was willing to provide for Terence, and based on the fact that they bully poor Nukesaku together
- Vanilla Ice and Enya are also maniacally devoted enough to DIO to probably be perfectly fine with putting up to the unpleasant living conditions if it meant serving him - since they were his closest servants they were probably given a little extra comfort
- Nukesaku is not having fun
If there’s any lesson to take away from this post, it’s that you should befriend this man: